I've been thinking a lot about where I stand in all this universe juice, my relationship with God and that ever-gaping hole that's festering from my inability to satisfy my hunger to satisfy these humans around me. These people that give me free food and inspiration without missing a beat, sometimes not even realizing their playing at all. It freaks me out that they may never even know how they saved me.
I've been thinking too much, I know, because I know things I can't even begin to understand. I already understand how infinitesimally small I am, but at the same time how Immensely HUGE I have become in the lives of those around me. I've been hand-fed answers that dictators and dark priests one thousand years back tried to sell their souls for, and as fun as it sounds, it just makes me feel very
very
alone.
I feel stupid. I feel way too obsessed with myself and I find that I become nauseated if I think about that too much because there's two sides to that coin.
But I don't want to talk about that.
I want to talk about... you. You and the horizon. I want to talk about how those colors in the distance are the only things that come close to describing what I feel when you're near. The stars are just dots in the distance but you, you can smile right before me. THAT'S real. THAT is what fills my night sky.
I want to talk about how looking into your eyes makes me so sad, because I'll never know who's REALLY behind them. I only get to see your best efforts at opening them up, and really? Who is ever really satisfied with their own expressions? That's why I love you, even when you don't know how to really tell me you love me too. I love you because even though I may never see it, I know there's someone real that feels and hopes and dreams just like I do behind your twilight eyes.
I've been thinking too much again.
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